Preference

I've just brought home part 1 of my entire dorm room in uni, hoping to finally pack everything up to bring back after my exams next week. Time flies so fast, I'm already done with my 1st year of degree!

It still takes me a while to register that I'm twenty this year, and no longer a teenager. 

I swear I was 12, like, yesterday. With my horribly edited pouting display picture on MySpace and all. 

(Mental note: never revisit that memory) 

But of course, time waits for no man, and life goes on - like a bullet train, I must add. 

While I was cleaning my room at home to make way for the things I'll bring back from uni, I realized I threw out more than I kept. Books, posters, everything. I realized I just didn't like them anymore.

To think that I've only bought or kept them for no longer than a year, did my preference in things change that fast? 

The same with clothes, too. When I look through my closet, despite being full to the brim and will barf out clothes anytime soon, I can never pick something up and be satisfied. 

It's always the same, "But.. I don't like it anymore" or "What was I thinking.." 

But I can swear to you I must've loved it enough at the store to even pay for it (I'm either too lazy, or too broke - in most cases, both). 

In fact, I've actually found myself liking things I never thought I would, like, ever. 

And then it hit me, I get bored of things way too easily. I'm that person that likes something so (too) much, and borderline obsesses over it, and then done. Good bye, forever! 

Random fact about me, I've joined piano lessons, jazz dance lessons, clay pottery lessons, art classes and cooking classes when I was younger, none lasted more than an academic year. 

I would go all out for 3-4 months, got ready an hour before these classes, patiently waiting in front of the clock, and then the magic fades after a while. 

I know I made me sound like a sad, unmotivated, soulless child, but it's the truth! 

It was definitely a case of lack of intrinsic motivation, because I can swear I've only had the most enthusiastic bunch of teachers for those classes. 

My piano classes were the freaking play by ear type, and anyone who knows me knows I'm tone deaf with zero knowledge of music, so for my teacher to not have committed suicide teaching a student like me was incredibly impressive. 

Mentioned in my previous post, the chubby, belly-bulging 10-year-old Tania dancing jazz numbers at the annual dance recital was an accomplishment for both me & my dance coach (..especially my dance coach). 

My interest for something would skyrocket, and then come plunging down, then I'd pick up a new hobby, and the trend continues. My mum has, since, given up on caring about my hobbies. 

Let's not get started with my sudden craze with K-pop. Hah, who say that coming, right..

What I found stayed constant in my life, though, was my interest in fashion and Korea(ns). 

Even then (!) I keep losing interests within it, like I've never stuck to one fashion style for more than a month. I'd get all excited about it, then I'll go all Meh!.

Same with my music preference and dramas, it takes a lot for me to stick with a 15-episode drama right up 'til the end. Heck, it takes a lot for an episode to not make me exit the page in the first 20 minutes. That's why I go all out proclaiming my love for a boy/girl group or a good drama.

It takes a lot for me to stick by them. (I'd like to take this opportunity to promote Reply 1988 and She Was Pretty, I've seen both dramas thrice!)

Hobbies and K-pop aside, my change in taste in men have scarily surprised me. Have I, Tania Zainudin, finally.. grown.. up? Maybe, or maybe everyone's taken and I'm just bitter. Jk!

Like any teen girl (I say this like I'm 30, it's only been a year since), my dream was to call someone with a face like Mr. Efron mine and no one else's, even with a heart as cold as ice.

Don't care! Be as cold-hearted as you want! I just need you to be in my Instagram photos for other girls to gawk at and be center stage of everyone's envy. 

It's a whole other story now, and it's not that I've ever dated anyone even close to looking like Zac (laughing with tears in my eyes as I type), but heck, looks ain't going to last. 

I don't know why I never thought of that, did I think boys wouldn't age when I was 12?! Stupid. 

Found this somewhere online one day, and thought that I'd never read something so true in my life.

After I did the first line of the quote, only a handful (ONE HAND) of boys I know came up in my mind. And none of them I'd ever thought of as a boyfriend or a life-partner. 

Which says a lot about me, doesn't it? Hahah. I'm all about honesty on my blog, people! 

But it definitely made me reevaluate all the boys I've ever dreamt of being with, I realized that none were beyond looks, which in my defense, is reasonable! It's usually the first thing you see and it definitely is the first thing that captivates you at first sight. 

Now, however, I refuse to let it be the determining factor of whether or not I like someone. I have to teach myself to differentiate between liking and thinking someone's good-looking, which are two totally different things. 

And everyone else has to, too! Because ever so often when I tell someone I find a boy handsome, they're so quick to go, "Ooh, Tania likes someone!". NO. 

I don't like attaching a person to my ideals. Like, I don't like saying so-and-so is husband goals because that's just going to set you up for some major disappointment, gurlfriend. 

No two people in this World are the same, which I tend to forget. I can only have traits that I want as a husband and find them in people, but never wish to have an image of another individual as "#goals".

And the traits are exactly that in the quote. I plan on having a family not too long after marriage (I will probably stab myself in the face 5 years down the road, but for now, let's just say that), so I definitely look for a fatherly, paternal, children-loving trait in men. No questions about that. 

Not many boys I know are particularly like that, not that I blame them for this, 20 might be too young for them to think about changing diapers everyday. 

Besides being a good dad, a man who is head over heels for me would be the cherry on top. 

And I mean, really in love with me. By me, I mean every single aspect of my being, my family, my choices, my ambitions and my dreams. Not a yes-man kind of person, God knows how much I hate people who agree with me and don't know why. 

Disagreements can mean having two totally different ideas on something, but if you truly care about someone, they provide an opportunity for two people to incorporate both ideas into one by finding a middle ground. Which I find to be the meaning of marriage in the first place. 

Most of all, I want a husband that feels the exact same way on this. I want him to still want me without make-up (which is the state I will be in 95% of the time, probably even worse during pregnancy), during every financial crisis we face, and through every fight. 

And I do plan on working on myself to appeal to men like these, 'cause what's the use of wanting but not being wanted, right? Hahahahaha. Yeah. sigh. 

Also (!) I'm not saying that I'd complain and shut the door on their face if someone who looks like Kim Jongin comes knocking, 'num sayin' now? 

I'm kidding!

How did I end up talking about my future husband when I started with having no clothes to wear from my closet?

You can tell from here what I deem important in my life, huh? LOL 

Piano? Meh. Dance class? Meh. But K-POP & HUSBAND MATERIAL.. Let's have 4 paragraphs each! 

x

Tania