So I've just started my very last year of formal education,
that is if I don't decide to take up my masters degree - ask me today, I'd say never in a million years
*glares at my pile of untouched homework. But ask me when I start work, I'm probably already at a postgrad department begging them to let me in.
I honestly don't know how I feel about it. It might sound cliche for me to say it felt like just yesterday I was the new kid in Taman Tun and that now I'm 4 months away from graduation, but it really does.
Time went by so fast, and I don't know if it's a good thing.
Of course, there were moments time slowed down and I'm glad I felt those times with all my heart.
Time doesn't even slow down for regrets, because I can't say I properly remember any regrets from the past 4 years. It's like, when I'm just about to remember a regret, life just pushes me to the next opportunity. And that's great, really, but I don't get to learn from them before I step on my next mistake.
I have always been eager to start working. That explains all my summers occupying myself with every job that pays. Teaching, waitressing, barista-ing, you name it.
But now that I'm really, really close to it, I've clamped up and suddenly I don't want it anymore.
Although it's probably too late now to say it, but I wish I did more. And by doing, I mean experiencing every single aspect of being young and reckless.
I'd say I was pretty good and law-abiding (lmao) growing up. I've never seen the inside of a night club until I was legal to, drugs were (and still are, don't worry mum) very scary to me, and my perfect night was complete if I was in bed by 11pm.
In fact, my parents have always known me as the child that doesn't leave the house after 9pm.
My siblings, and even my youngest, are what I consider nocturnal and come home when I wake up.
One night, I decided to be slightly adventurous and chill with friends after 9pm, and my mum asked my dad, "Guess who's not home?", to which my dad replied, "Nadia? Zaim? Iman? ..huh, then who?".
I wasn't even an option, and I was already 21 years old then ok! LOL
But I guess I don't find it a bit insulting. It's not even a bit untrue, I am and will always be a morning person, ever since I could remember.
Getting up for school was a breeze, I'd actually even wake my maid up!
What's hard is making me agree to a lepak session after 7pm, haha.
Sorry, totally sidetracking.
Anyways, as I was saying. I feel like now that I'm almost working, this is all the time I have.
I won't be able to travel whenever I want anymore, no more "hm, I don't think I wanna go to class today" days, or the freedom to have late weekdays.
Not that I'm saying I wished I had downed as much alcohol as I was expected of as a teen growing up in KL, slept and dated with everyone I thought was remotely attractive, or spent nights at mamaks.
Those things were never tempting to me anyway. I just wished I had spent more nights out in cities I've never traveled to, talking to people I've always thought I couldn't, and not caring as much about what people thought of me instead of what I thought of me.
Of course, working life isn't going to completely cut me off of those opportunities, but I'd have annual leaves that I can't simply apply for just to have beach getaways, office hierarchies that I can only reference off the dramas I've watched (and they're scary - sunbaes..) and bosses that I have to impress even when I don't think they deserve a second of my kindness.
But again, the World operates in odder ways than we expect it to be.
Who knows? The job I land might just require me to travel to sunny beaches and snowy mountains for a living, or I might have the most fun bunch of coworkers that all love me, or become my own boss with absolutely no one to impress.
Besides, I'm only a year into my twenties. So here's to a new start.
